Tablet of her Heart

I recently had the privilege of bringing an advent message on living hope to our church family. The need for hope extends beyond the walls of my church, so I am sharing bits and pieces of it here on my blog as well. I pray that this Christmas you find a living hope that changes the way you live your life. It is found in Jesus. I know because I have it, through him.

 

What is hope? As I went to different definitions of the word, I came away with three components that I think are vital for real living hope: expectation, trust, and confidence.

 

As I was preparing this message, I contemplated those three-ingredient recipes that are so popular right now. For instance, sugar, peanut butter, and eggs. Combine those together and you’ve got a tasty peanut butter cookie. But if you minus one of the ingredients, then you won’t have the right product. I think our recipe for hope is similar. To live with hope that is real, deep, meaningful, impactful, you need all three – expectation, trust, and confidence.

 

I like this three-ingredient definition of hope because it conveys something deeper than, “I hope it doesn’t rain today,” or, “I hope we aren’t getting sick.” These are like statements of wish, chance, or luck. Real hope is not built on wish, chance, or luck. Real hope is built on confident expectation, rooted in trust. Living hope changes our mindset and changes the way we live. Real hope makes an old man and an old woman in Luke 2 keep showing up day after day at the temple: because they actually EXPECT that day to be THE DAY. They are confident in the ability of God to fulfill the promise he made to them, and they trust his character to fulfill it, too. It has been 400 years since the promise of a Messiah was last offered, and yet here they are living like the promise is coming true each and every day.

 

Simeon, verse 25 says, was “waiting for the consolation of Israel,” which is the Messiah. And verse 26 continues, “It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Christ.” You don’t wait on something unless you believe it’s coming. I’m not going to stand in my driveway day after day and wait for a brand new camper to be delivered — because I haven’t purchased one or been promised one. I don’t believe one is going to show up. We have to expect that something is coming to spend our precious lives waiting on it! And this is one Simeon does.

 

He is living each day as if this promise is 100% true. This is hope. Living with expectation, trust and confidence that the promises God has made to us are 100% true. For Simeon it has to go beyond wishful thinking, because it’s affecting the way he lives his life. When we have living hope, it changes the way we live. We show up, every day, expecting good things, full of confidence and trust in what God is doing.

 

When Simeon and Anna saw Jesus, they knew he was their living hope – their promise fulfilled. Jesus is still our living hope today.  Are you living like it?

 

Are you showing up each day like Simeon and Anna expecting the promises of God to be true in your life?

Are you living like you’ve been set free, like there’s no condemnation?

Are you living like every chain has been broken?

Are you living like you are loved?

 

Every circumstance you experience can be lived with living hope. When your eyes have seen your Messiah, you can EXPECT good.

 

Simeon and Anna lived each day in full hope, confident, expectant trust, on God’s promise to them that a Messiah was coming. What promise of God do you need to bring into view today? His Word is full of TRUE promises for you and for me. But do we live like it? I’ll share a personal example of how hope has changed my outlook on my circumstances.

 

Most of you know that my family has been going through a difficult time as my mom battles breast cancer for the second time in her life. This summer as her diagnosis came, and the news kept coming up worse and then worse still, despair would often creep in on me. I lost my dad in 2020, so my mom is all I have left, and on top of that, she is notably my best friend. My prayers were often filled with desperation: “Lord, I can’t lose my mom!” Whether you can identify with my situation personally or not, I am sure that there has been a time in your life when you’ve prayed a prayer of desperation. Your soul feels despair, not hope.

 

What God helped me to see was that when we are in the middle of these storms and we need to regain our hope, we can look up, we can look beyond our circumstances. Psalm 121 says, “I lift my eyes up to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Also consider: “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor 4:18)

 

Look beyond your circumstances.

Look beyond your feelings.

Look to what is true.

 

What living hope looked like for me was God changing my desperate prayer of “I can’t lose my mom,” to a prayer of confident expectation: “I can’t lose my mom… she’s mine for eternity.” God’s word tells me this is true. There are countless scriptures that I can place my hope in.

 

John 10:28-29 “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.”

 

if I believe these verses to be true, then I have HOPE no matter what the outcome is for my mom’s illness.

 

There is confidence for me in these verses, there is expectation, and there is trust. I am confident that God is ABLE. He is able to heal her here on earth, or in heaven. I trust that his character is good, and he will only do what is best for my family. I fully expect him to fulfill his promise that my mom is redeemed, chosen, loved, protected, etc etc. Do you see how this changes my outlook? Hope moved me from desperation to confidence, expectation, and trust.

 

How do you get there though? Maybe you have a desperate situation running through your head right now, and you’d really love to move from despair to living hope. How? I really want this message to be actionable for you.

 

I encourage you to recognize that hope is rooted in what is true. If your thoughts are dwelling in worry, fear, doubts, and lies, then you are not setting your mind on things above, as Colossians 3:2 instructs. Hope is a mindset that is built on things that are true about God. And just like with Simeon and Anna, when we have living hope, it changes the way we live, even if our circumstances haven’t changed. So whatever situation you find yourself needing hope, I encourage you to choose a truth about God that you feel speaks to your situation. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the right verse. Set your mind on that truth, rather than on the lies and worries crowding your mind. Memorize it, post it where you can see it, say it over and over again.

 

Allow the Holy Spirit to give you eyes see that God’s promise is true for you. He can turn your prayer of desperation to a prayer of confidence. From, “I can’t mess this up again” (desperate) to “I can’t mess this up because my God is in control.” From, “I can’t fix this person” (desperate) to “I can’t fix this person, and it’s not my job to fix them.” From “I’m never going to overcome this sin” to “there is no condemnation and I am more than a conqueror.” We serve a limitless God! A limitless God! There’s no need for desperate “I can’ts” in your life. Hope is available to you today.

 

Hope is available to you today because 2000 years ago this promise was fulfilled when a little baby was born. Our Messiah. This Christmas the words of his angels to the shepherds are his words to you: “Fear not! For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:10-11)

 

Because your Messiah has come:

Your broken heart can be mended.

You are given freedom from captivity.

Your prison doors have been opened. Are you going to walk through?

And to those who are mourning this Christmas, your Messiah promises comfort.

 

You are not defeated.

You don’t have to live in fear and anxiety.

You are set free and not condemned.

Your chains are broken forever, sin has no hold on you.

You are adopted and chosen as part of God’s family. No one can snatch you from his hand.

 

This is LIVING HOPE.

Early this year I was caught driving in a rainstorm. I had a premonition, if such things exist, that it would be a doozy as the clouds rolled in. I’ve only seen clouds like that a few times in my nearly 40 years. (YIKES!)  Why, you ask, did I go out if I knew a bad storm was on the way? It was time to pick my children up from school. And I thought I could beat it. Foolishness. I’ve driven for over 20 years, in a lot of bad weather. I mean, I live in Ohio! I got my learner’s permit (as it was called back in the day) in the middle of January and drove in snow in my first few weeks behind the wheel. Whatever was coming in that storm, I knew I could handle it. HA!

Never before have I experienced a torrential rain so heavy that it was literally blinding. As it first started to pour, I thought I should decrease my vehicle speed so as to see better and increase my wiper speed to move the water faster. Well, I did that, and it didn’t help much. So I slowed down even more. Now, keep in mind, this is a road I drive multiple times a day every day on the Mom Taxi service route. I know it WELL. You know the kind that you can drive in your sleep because it’s so familiar. But this day, the blinding rain was just that, blinding. I had literally no idea where I was on the road. I was waiting for a funnel cloud to descend at any moment and suck my van to the sky. I was shaking and terrified.

 

While I couldn’t see the road in front of me, I knew that to stop in the road would be equally dangerous, because anyone coming down the road behind me would not be able to see my white van. So I crept forward what felt like an inch at a time, looking for a place to pull off. Ahead loomed a shadow. Was it a barn or a tornado? I wasn’t sure, but I took a chance and pulled off, feeling certain I was driving straight into the ditch. Thank the Lord it was a driveway. I pulled closer to the shadow, a barn (not tornado!), and found the cover of some trees.

And I waited.

 

As the storm subsided and my shaking began to settle, I called my husband to let him know I was alright and to get back on the road. (And he told me about the baseball sized hail that had been falling at our house!) What an experience!

 

When I drive the road to school now, months after this experience, I can still remember it so clearly, and I still notice the barn that led me to the safety of a driveway in the blinding rain. But what struck me about this whole experience was the lesson on waiting. Sometimes, try as we may, we cannot see the way forward in life. We have the premonition that a bad storm of life is rolling our way, and before long, we can’t see straight through all the turmoil of that storm. Perhaps our circumstances are confusing, our emotions are blinding us, the choices are immobilizing.

 

As we considered cancer treatment options with my mom this summer, many of those factors – circumstances, emotions, choices – left us struggling to see the way forward. I loved my mom’s posture of faith: “I will wait until God shows me what to do. He has always been faithful. I know he will show me. Until then, I will wait.” Her faith has been an example to me, and because of her example I feel more confident when I choose to wait on the Lord instead of rushing ahead because I like action and forward movement.

 

Sometimes waiting out the storm of life – circumstances and emotions – is truly our best option. We can trust that God is still leading us even when we feel like we are blinded to the way forward. If we can’t see the next move (or the next inch of the road!) then perhaps the best choice is to simply wait, wait until he illuminates our next steps. Find a place of refuge, and simply wait on him.

 

For those of us who like action and forward motion, this can be difficult. But Scripture has many references to waiting on the Lord.

 

Psalm 27:14 says: “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

 

Lamentations 3:25 says: “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

 

Psalm 130: 5-6 says: “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”

 

Exodus 14:14 says: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

 

Isaiah 64:4 says: “From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.”

 

If you find yourself blinded to the way forward right now, take some time to wait on the Lord and trust that he will show you the way forward. He always has before. And when you feel his direction, step out in confidence and faith, knowing that you’re not leading from your own will, but you’re following the One on whom you waited patiently. And all these things said about Him in these verses above will be true in your circumstances: The Lord will be good to you. The Lord will fight for you. The Lord will act on your behalf. His Word will bring you hope. Your heart will find courage. It’s ok to wait until you hear from him.

Two of my least favorite words in the English language are “I can’t.”

 

Of course it is disappointing to hear these words when you’re asking someone if they can get together with you or help you with something. But what I’m talking more about is when they are spoken in a self-limiting way. My kids say this all the time when they are facing something difficult. “I can’t understand this math homework.” Or “I can’t fix this toy” or “I can’t complete this chore.” As we grow older, the challenges become more difficult: “I can’t work out the solution to this parenting problem.” “I can’t improve my health.” “I can’t make this marriage work.” “I can’t find a job.” “I can’t lose this weight.” This list goes on and on. But I wish we would strike those words from our vocabulary.

 

As believers in Jesus, we serve a limitless God. With him, there literally is not “can’t.” So why do we limit ourselves or focus on our deficiencies or our lack when we are invited to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in us? Yes, some things are really difficult. But when we confess “I can’t” in a self-limiting way we are usually selling ourselves short.

Years ago I volunteered at a wonderful Christian camp called Cross Training Camp. Some of my favorite relationships were born there, and certainly my love of children’s ministry. On this campground, there was an obstacle course. It was somewhat infamous I think among the younger campers who were new to the program. The Obstacle Course. Dun-dun-dun! It had some challenges for sure, like a giant cargo net some 15 feet tall that had to be climbed, a zip line which crossed a creek from one steep bank to another, and of course, the WALL. The whole course concluded with a 10 foot wall that had to be climbed, but there were no handholds.

Often my role at camp was not as a squad leader but as a leader who supported the squad leaders and their squads. So when my squad leaders were first running the course with their groups, I’d head down with them to help support them through the obstacles. I’ll never forget one camper, 8 years old, Ashley. First year camper. She was totally overwhelmed by the obstacles. And so I took her for a walk. I really had no idea how to talk her through her fears. But I believe God spoke up when I asked her to not focus on “I can’t.” Rather, to spend the week seeing what might be possible for her, to focus instead on what “I can” do. It was like her brain flipped a switch mentally when she started to wonder what she was capable of instead of limiting herself. And of course by the end of the week, so was conquering those obstacles with the best of them. I’m quite sure I had tears in my eyes when Ashley popped over the wall. It was a beautiful moment.

I saw a lot of campers over the years do things that they never thought were possible when they started their week at CTC. Those years formed a valuable mindset for me to never limit myself as I met challenges, to persevere and to never give up. This mindset has been so important as I’ve faced the difficulties of special needs parenting, among the other challenges that adult life has brought my way. Let’s not focus on what we can’t do. Let’s just explore what we can do and see what happens.

Our mindset is vitally important in the way we tackle life’s obstacles. Are we focused on what we lack? On our limitations? Or are we focused on what we may be able to do if we try? When I get tempted to fall into “I can’t” thinking, I remind myself of the words in Romans 8:11 “The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.” Yes, we are still limited by time, space, and our human bodies, but we don’t need to place limitations on ourselves when we’re up against an obstacle in life, because the Spirit of God, who raised Jesus to life, lives. in. us. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Paul asks later in the same chapter of Romans (v 31). When we are walking in the good works he prepared in advance for us to do (Eph 2:10), then we don’t need to think, I can’t make time for that, I can’t do that, I can’t start that, I can’t lead that, I can’t parent through that, I can’t overcome that. 2 Peter 1:3 tells us “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” Everything we need. It’s right there.

[Caveat: This is not a post against boundaries. I have firm boundaries in my life to protect my rest, my peace, and my sanity. This is not a “say yes to everything” post. Our human limitations are real, and we need to obey God’s mandate that we take time for rest in our lives. We say yes only to what He is asking us to do, the best yes. It’s ok to say no to things that are outside the scope of what he has called us to. It’s ok to say no when our lives and bodies need a break. I am all about boundaries and rest.]  

What I am encouraging you to do is to avoid limiting yourself when you face a challenge. Maybe on your own you can’t, but you never know what you might be able to accomplish if you try with God’s help and his limitless power behind you. The next time you find yourself up against a wall in life, remember that God’s limitless Spirit lives in you, and you are equipped to accomplish all that he has called you to in Christ Jesus.

Last week we joined the droves of people heading out for our annual candy collection on Halloween. The kids counted down for days until Trick or Treat finally arrived. This year we had a pilgrim, a hunter, and a ballerina.

We actually had good weather this year, which really brought out the crowds. We started out on the city block where we used to live, and at first there weren’t that many people walking the sidewalks with us. But as we headed for our second block, the crowds really ticked up. Our youngest can be a bit clingy in a crowd, so I was pleasantly surprised that she was running up ahead of us with her brother and sister. After retrieving her candy from each porch, she would turn around and make eye contact with me, making sure she knew exactly where I was. After we entered one particularly crowded area, I could see her scanning the crowd, searching faces for mine. There was just enough time looking that I thought she might start to cry. But I had my eye on her the whole time. I waved and called her name. When she spotted me, relief visibly washed over her face, and she said, “There you are!”  

I responded, “You may have lost sight of me, but I never lost sight of you.”  

Something resonated in my spirit when I said that…. How many times have we lost sight of the Lord and where he’s working, or what he’s doing. And yet, he has never lost sight of us. Or maybe we have strayed away from him, we have wandered so far that he’s no longer even in our vision. But he’s never lost sight of us.  He is the God who sees you.  

This name for the Lord comes from an unlikely female character in the Bible. Hagar, the female servant to Sarai, wife of Abram, became pregnant by Abram at Sarai’s request, but then an embittered Sarai drove Hagar away, to the point where she is running literally out into the desert. Who knows where she thought she was going – perhaps it was an “anywhere but here” type of scenario for Hagar. She’s hiding out by a spring when the angel of the Lord finds her, and he makes her a promise that everything is going to be alright with her son who will be called Ishmael. Hagar responds, “You are the God who sees me.” (Gen 16) I love this! In the middle of her running, her hiding, in the middle of her desert place, Hagar knows she is seen by God. No matter where we’re running or hiding or how far we’ve gone, God still sees us.  The words of Psalm 139 remind us of this truth as well:  

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? ⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. ⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. ¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” ¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

There is no place you can be that is so far away that God loses sight of you. No matter if your life feels like a wasteland, or a chaotic crowd, God has his eye on you. Just like I had my loving, protective eye on my daughter at trick or treat, God has his loving eye on each of his children. He knows your name, and he’s calling out to you. When you turn around, he will be faithful to be there. Today if you feel like you’re lost in a crowd or hidden in a desert, I encourage you to pray a prayer that I have prayed many times: “God, I need to know that you see me today.” God has never failed to answer this prayer for me when I pray it. I believe he loves showing us not only that he sees us, but how he sees us. You are not lost or hidden from the eyes of your loving Father. I pray that you feel seen today by the God of Hagar, the God who sees.

I love a good visual aide for learning. Take a look at these root clumps that I recently lifted from my dahlias. I’ve placed them on a paper dinner plate for size reference.

These two sets of clumps are the exact same variety of flower and each originated from a single tuber that I planted. They were packaged together and likely came from the same original clump of tubers that was split. But look at the size difference after one growing season. I was astonished by the amount of growth in the bigger sets.  What is the singular difference between the tuber that grew into a large clump and the tuber whose growth was small and stunted?

The soil.  

The larger clumps developed from a single tuber planted in a newly turned garden area of rich soil. The smaller clumps came out of my infamous hillside garden full of dry sandy soil. It’s easy to tell which soil was a better growing environment for the tubers.  

This got me thinking about my own growth as a wife, mother, and follower of Jesus. If I took a look, would I be astonished by the amount of growth that’s happened in the past seven months? Or would I find only meager progress and limited life developing? What is the quality of my growing environment, or my soil, if you will?  

If I am assessing my actual garden soil, I am going to consider its contents and whether it has the right nutrients for good plant growth, things like nitrogen, potassium and phosphorus. If my soil is deficient in these things, then despite my watering of the plants, and the hours of sunlight the plants receive, the growth will not happen. Both of my tubers pictured received the same amount of sunlight and water, but the growth outcome was very different. The soil is the key.  

What is the soil of my life like? What are the key ingredients that make up my growing environment? Does it have key nutrients like prayer, rest, solitude, time in the Word of God, service, healthy boundaries? If these ingredients are lacking, then for me, growth will also be lacking.  

Or is my soil comprised of anxious thoughts, busyness and weariness (they go hand in hand!), selfishness, toxic relationships, constant noise, fear, anger, comparison? The list goes on an on, and for you maybe the toxic soil composition is different – substance abuse, obsession with something, addiction, perfectionism, critical thoughts, stress. There are many killing ingredients we can allow to be in our soil that will inhibit our growth. 

If today you’re assessing your own growth and your own soil and you find it lacking healthy nutrients, then start making small changes. (Too many abrupt changes for a plant can also lead to its demise!) One step is a good step. It doesn’t need to be many steps or big steps to make a big difference. Look at the good list above – what can you add to your environment? Worship music playing quietly in your home in the morning as everyone is starting their day? A faith-based podcast on your commute? A weekend free of event after event so that you can rest? A 15-minute devotion to end your day? Setting aside your phone for an afternoon regardless of who is texting you for emotional support? (You don’t have to be at everyone’s beck and call 24 hours a day!)

Boundaries are healthy. Rest is healthy. Solitude is healthy. Time in God’s presence (prayer, worship, Word) is healthy.

If you want to see more growth, try adding some of these things to your soil. When you reassess in a few months, I pray you are surprised to find bountiful growth, producing beautiful fruit in your own life!  

“But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.” (Luke 8:15) 

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) 

“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.” (I Timothy 4:15) 

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

It’s been a few months since I’ve made time for blogging. Life got real lifey this summer when we had some major changes taking place with close family members. On top of that, the littlest Burleigh started preschool this fall, so I’ve added an additional drop off and pick up location and time to the Mom Taxi service schedule. How can one little change like that make us moms feel like we’re running around with our hair on fire!? Writing took a backseat while I processed a lot of these late summer changes. Some of the things we were going through weren’t really mine to share first, and I owed it to my family members to let them share on their own timeline.

 

To be honest, I didn’t also know what to write about or how to begin processing the weight that I was feeling, in particular from my mom’s cancer diagnosis, among the other shifts happening in our life. I just felt heavy.

 

I didn’t stop pressing in to my faith through all of this, even though I paused writing about it. So now I want to share part of what I learned in hopes that it will help someone else who’s lugging around some heaviness in their life.

 

I love a good object lesson, and the one that God impressed on me in this season was a backpack. I was carrying around many heavy things in my metaphorical backpack. In particular, I felt very burdened about my mom’s health. We had a lot of big decisions to make regarding her treatment plan.  It’s also not easy to consider and to face the mortality of our parents. This among other things was the heaviness I was feeling, just like an overloaded, weighty backpack.

 

The Scripture that I have clung to in this intense season we have been going through is Matthew 11:28-30. It has come up continually and everywhere in my life. The verses say, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

Through this Scripture, I felt God asking me to take off my backpack. Big problems and small problems alike, He showed me that none of these were my burdens to carry. Jesus offers me his yoke, his way to bear the weight of my problems – it’s through entrusting them to him.

 

The problems of life will never go away – we live in a broken world. But if we continue to carry the weight of our problems, have we truly entrusted them to him? Is there really such a thing as “trying” to trust God? As my five-year-old pointed out at random one day in the car, we either do trust, or we don’t! There’s no in between. You’re either bearing the weight of the backpack, or you’re not.

 

Jesus offers us a better way to live in the midst of our trials, that’s his yoke, and according to his words, it’s easy. When we trust him with the weight of our burdens, things that truly are not ours to carry in the first place, we can experience the rest he described in Matthew.

 

As I chose trust, I began to experience God’s peace. As I began to focus on all that is true about God and all that he is able to do, the weight that I was carrying lifted. I decided that no matter what I did, or what we decided, God was able to handle the outcome. There wasn’t any wrong decision we could make that would be impossible for him to correct. I’m not responsible for my mom’s life – that’s a God-sized job! Phew – talk about lifting the pressure! Some of us need to realize that we weren’t created for that kind of pressure. We aren’t God! We’re not powerful enough to derail his plans!

 

This summer I saw my mom through two surgeries and the decision to begin chemotherapy this fall. Those are big, weighty decisions. But God led every step of the way, and I can honestly say that I have walked and am continuing to walk with peace through those things. It’s all because I made the decision to trust him. I took off the backpack, left it at the cross. I’m embracing his yoke, the Jesus way, walking in peace, rest, and freedom from heavy burdens I was never made to carry. He’s been right there with me, bearing the weight of it all.

 

Are you ready to walk that way? Today can be your day – Take off your backpack, leave it at the cross, walk in Jesus’ yoke, experience his rest and peace. Your problems with be there either way, but you have the privilege of being invited to trust Jesus. He’ll carry the weight for you if you allow him. Choose trust. You will not regret it.